Take the Compliment

Now was that really so hard?

I was talking to a colleague the other day and they had just received the results of their 360-degree review. “That’s cool,” I asked, “how did it go?”

“Well,” they said, “the feedback was surprisingly consistent. But there wasn’t anything I could improve. I just wanted it to say ‘you suck at this’ so I would know what I need to fix.”

So let me get this straight … 40 people all generally said the same, positive things about you and you are unhappy about that?

Just take the compliment!

You don’t have to write a card or anything. Just say “thanks.” Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I get it—we all have things we can improve, and good leaders want to continue to learn, grow, and better themselves. But does that mean we can’t also acknowledge what we’re already doing well?

My colleague’s reaction reminded me of my own response to the first performance evaluation (a process called “Forte”) I received after joining Amazon. Despite getting an “exceeds high bar” rating—something that’s difficult to achieve at Amazon and even more difficult to achieve in your first year—I spent about 12 seconds reviewing the “strengths” colleagues ascribed to me (you know, the positive stuff) and about 20 minutes ruminating on the one slightly negative “growth” comment I received. I missed the forest for the trees.

Forests have bugs and poisonous plants and all sorts of imperfections, but they are beautiful when you look at them holistically. Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel on Unsplash

Why is it that so many smart, talented people have such a difficult time receiving a compliment?

“You did an amazing job on [something you did]!” is regularly met with “It was okay” or “I could have done better” or “do you have any feedback for me on ways I could improve?” Why?

Maybe it’s because we’re taught not to boast (this may be especially true for women). Or we don’t see our work as anything extraordinary. Maybe it’s a little bit of imposter syndrome creeping in. (I’ve written about imposter syndrome in the past and have more on the subject coming soon ... stay tuned!)

Whatever the reason—get over it.

Just. Say. Thanks. I promise you, it only hurts a little.

We deserve to celebrate our successes. As leaders, we get enough crap thrown our way, it’s okay to take the win every once in awhile. We can be proud of our work while recognizing that two things can be equally true at the same time—we do some things well and still have room for growth in other areas.

But if that’s not compelling enough … do it for your team. By acknowledging our strengths and recognizing our successes we create space for our team to do the same. The example you set goes a long way toward creating a culture of giving—and receiving—recognition. And who doesn’t want that?

So go ahead, take the (damn) compliment—you’ve earned it.