Swish Your Feet
You don't have to power through rejection ... but don't wallow in it, either
Rejection sucks.
No matter how accomplished we are, no matter how little we actually want the person or company that rejected us—it stings.
We know all the platitudes 🙄 …
It’s probably for the best.
It wasn’t meant for you.
You’re better off without it.
When one door closes, another door opens.
There’s something even better waiting for you.
You’re too good for it/them, anyway.
When it’s right, it’ll happen.
Can everyone just shut the f**k up, already?
No matter how well-meant, these sentiments don’t stop our imposter syndrome from kicking into high gear.
They don’t quell that little voice in our heads that says—“you’re not good enough … smart enough … accomplished enough.”
“You’re a failure.”
Here’s the thing though—you’re not a failure. Not even close.
YOU are amazing, with so much to give.
Somewhere deep inside us, we know this is true. We know it really wasn’t the right role for us. That it actually is for the best.
But wow, does it hurt.
It feels deeply personal. It shakes our confidence. Bruises our ego. Strips us of hope.
Because for a brief moment, it allowed us to dream. For a day, or a week, or the 2+ months I interviewed for a job once 😳, it enabled us to imagine a different and brighter future.
And now we’re grieving that possibility—the future we’ll never know.
So yes, we know logically that it isn’t really about us. It rarely is. But no matter how much our head knows this, our heart still hurts.
It’s okay to grieve.
If you were just laid off, or didn’t get a job you really wanted, or didn’t get an offer for a job you weren’t even sure you wanted—it’s okay to feel whatever it is you’re feeling.
You do not have to put on your game face and pretend it didn’t happen, or that it doesn’t affect you.
And you absolutely do not have to “suck it up, buttercup” (and frankly, shame on anyone who suggests you do).
If you feel hurt, or angry, or sorry for yourself—go ahead and express it. Just try not to set up permanent camp in those feelings.
“Don't wallow in self-pity but swish your feet and get out.”
- Kay Yow, former NC State basketball coach
Give yourself the permission to feel your feelings, and to feel them out loud. To “swish your feet” in them.
Because ironically, allowing yourself to feel all the feels is exactly what will help you move past them.
And then you can get back to being the amazing human being that we all know you are. Even if that person/job/company couldn’t see it.
It’s their loss.
Bonus reads: AWS had another round of layoffs this week. If you were laid off, I hope you will find a way to remember that you are immensely valuable—no matter how you’re feeling right now. And if you’re a manager trying to lead your team through this difficult time, please lead with empathy.
