Are You Teaching, or Telling?

Strategies for avoiding the WWLD / decider-in-chief trap

Many of us make it into leadership roles because we are really good as individual contributors—smart, hard working, know our sh*t.

So naturally, leadership is the next step in our career progression. (Not at all natural, IMHO. I have all sorts of feelings about how we undervalue leadership as its own competency, but I’ll save that particular rant conversation for another time.)

That’s you, leading like a boss. Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Anyway … you’re smart, you’re knowledgeable, and now you’re the boss. And suddenly, everyone wants your perspective on things—how should we approach this? Should we move forward? Please tell me what you think we should do.

It’s an easy trap to fall into. It may even seem innocuous—you’re just providing an opinion, after all. You’re moving quickly, in meeting after meeting after #$%&! meeting … you answer the question and move on.

Except …

It may seem like you should know everything about anything that crosses your (metaphoric) desk. That you should be the decider-in-chief now that you’re a leader. Some places even expect and reward leaders with all the answers.

But in reality, your role is no longer to be the expert.

When you make the transition to leadership, your role shifts from doing the work to leading the work. And to do that, you must shift from knowing all-the-things to helping your team know (or find) the answers themselves, empowering them to make recommendations—and ideally, the actual decisions—on the best path forward.

It looks kinda like this. Photo by Jason Goodman on Unsplash

You have to shift from telling to teaching.

And that can be a difficult transition to make. (So much so that nearly 30 years into my leadership career, I still fall into this trap from time-to-time. Some habits are hard to break).

So if you find yourself—and your team—once again falling into familiar WWLD (what would (our) leader do) patterns, try these techniques to reframe the conversation and reshape the dynamic on your team:

1. Model the behavior you want. There’s an old adage, “be the change you wish to see” that applies here—practice the behavior you want on the team. Demonstrate curiosity to find your own answers instead of asking others for them, provide options instead of answers, and invite others to weigh in on (or make) decisions.

2. Answer questions with questions. In manager-direct relationships, this practice can be highly effective (your mileage may vary if trying this on your spouse, however). Instead of providing an answer, ask: What do you think? What options have you considered? What does the data tell you?

3. Have team members take the lead. Need a strategy? Ask a team member to develop it. Trying to make an important decision? Have your team evaluate options and make a recommendation. Intentionally put team members in the driver’s seat, offering them opportunities to stretch their skills and take on next-level responsibilities. At Amazon, our individual contributors lead everything from annual planning to their own professional development plans—managers are simply there to guide and support them in it.

4. Speak last. Amazon has a practice in doc reads that I love—leaders speak last. Once a leader speaks people tend to default to that position (or decide not to voice a dissenting opinion), so having leaders speak last allows other voices and perspectives to rise without fear of contradicting a leader or leadership position.

And when your team members do speak up, offer perspectives, or drive decisions, be sure to credit their work! Praising people out loud is one of the easiest and best things we can do as leaders for so many reasons. Who doesn’t want to be recognized for their work? (That’s a rhetorical question … literally, no one).

Trophies are optional. Photo by Ariel on Unsplash

Acknowledging your team’s contributions—”we’re moving forward with Kwame's recommendation” or “we have an amazing strategy for 2025, thanks to Priya”—helps reinforce the behavior and culture you’re trying to create.

But don’t let me tell you what to do … why don’t you try it for yourself? (You see what I did there? 😉) And then share with the rest of us—how did it go? What other strategies do you use with your team to teach instead of tell?

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